告别2011

每年到了这一天，又是时候回顾一下2011，展望一下2012了。

2011，顺利毕业，有车，有工作，有地方住。但是我对现在的生活一点安全感都没有。万一，一切突然消失，我能怎么办。所以，问题应该在于我没有存款，所以2012年，努力存款是一定要的。往往没有安全感都是当我身上没有钱的时候，希望我能办到理财好一点。

2012年，我没有特别期待或希望或一定要做的事情。也许，该玩该做的都在大学4年完成了。新的旅程应该好好过了，不要让自己活得太累。

若世界末日，那么我也要带着一堆钱死。死也要死到有安全感。

2011 难过，过过一下就过了。

2011 年，我活得不知道像什么样，我遇见了最多人但同时我也失去了很多人。
难过，过过一下就过了，我遇见了很多个他。我发生了从来没有过的事情。我去了两个国家，终于不再是去中国旅行了。澳洲，一个难忘之旅，开心却又不怎么开心，但可以说是少了很多牵挂。巴里岛是在我人生算是最低潮去的，很开心但内心却伤痕累累。

第一次遇上打劫，电话的失去也让我失去了一些联络号码。以前无论如何都不愿意删除，却这场意外让我彻底删除。人生好像从新来过，身边多了很多疼我的朋友。

一直说要减肥的我，终于在不留意下瘦了下来。虽然回不去以前那52kg的号码，但可以55kg，我已经很开心。毕竟有多久我到不了这个号码了。不过，朋友都说瘦了的我没有以前的性感。没关系，我觉得现在的我刚刚好，实在忍不住那越来越粗的手臂。

男朋友，我还是一样没有找到。不过好朋友就增加了，突然身边多了那么多好朋友。有点奇怪，我希望我不要再这么滥交朋友了。但还是很开心可以认识philip，哈哈~那种默契只能在他的身上找到。

今年12月，我club疯了？其实还好，这还不是我去的最高纪录，也许工作了。我也累了。终于在12月的尾声，让我遇见了可以让我心跳的男生。可惜，一个如此疯狂的男生，我若深深爱上他，只有伤痕累累的收场。而且还是那种明显的伤。我只能期盼我可以遇到更好的，我深深相信缘份未到。

2012， 若是世界末日，可不可以在我死之前让我好好地谈一次恋爱。

遇到想要的人。

最害怕就是遇到自己的type，偏偏又是一个坏人。明明知道他是坏人，又想他接触我。我很想不要再有这种感觉。原来心从来没有死过，当它遇到要放在里面的人，它又复活了。怎么办？

继续发梦咯~

怪

有时候越累越睡不著。不知道我在好奇什么，就是很好奇。一个来自不同世界的人，没有想过会进一步发展。

就是觉得我们应该是好朋友。

发梦。

看不见我所谓的未来，问了反而让自己忧心。相信会没事的，但还是有点怕。我到底毕业了，还是还没有？

我的未来男朋友，你在哪里？难道你这么舍得让我一个人承担这些痛苦吗？以后你要加倍还给我的，超级疼我，因为你迟迟不出现，还我一个人承担这一切。

好了，梦发完了。也许我不美，也许我没有魅力，也许我天生就很多人喜欢和我争。为什么又让我喜欢上一个有女朋友的男人？那份美好还在心里散不去，天啊！原来对的人要来就是这么一瞬间。我可以追求他吗？如果我是男生就好，那么我就可以追求他。

没关系，耐心点。一定会有男生追求我的，然后慢慢培养爱上他咯！

多么希望他没有女朋友然后爱上我。

我知道，慢慢等，也许会有奇迹。

一夜的恋爱

很久没有遇见这样的一个对手，那种绝对称得上playboy的男孩。让我有那么的一刻为他神魂颠倒，不多的甜言蜜语，有的是少许的隐瞒，少许的让你猜测，捉着我的好奇心。

我就这样谈了一晚很棒的恋爱，不真也不假，不需要太深入的了解，不需要任何承诺，没有失去什么，也不会有任何肉体上的来往。纯粹是让孤单的感情有个出口，语言里谈着恋爱，简称flirting而已，暧昧却没有不清。因为大家都有着默契，出了那个地方就不会再有什么。那种言语里的恋爱，较量着言语上的技巧，这样就让我开心了一夜。

这样的恋爱是我现在最享受的。就那么一夜的时间，不会有任何伤害，因为没有任何的期待，也没有失去什么。就好象享受着一部爱情电影，浪漫又不虚伪。

只是，过了那么的一夜，隔天难免有严重的失落感和空虚。因为我又要回到现实了，一个人的生活在这个大城市。

我不知道，这样的恋爱会不会有一天已经不能满足我了。未来就留给未来的我去烦恼吧！

明天又是时候上班了。

我毕业了

感谢天，我终于毕业了。那种开心无法形容，因为我成功的完成我设下的目标。今年，我想要拥有的东西都有，除了爱情那一栏。

没关系啦，梦想能够成功一半已经很好了。我觉得很满足，很开心，很幸福。谢谢上天的眷顾让我梦想成真。

Random

I'm waiting the time to shout! I'm officially graduate but I still worry although I'm confidence. Suddenly feel that time really past so fast.

I lost so many things this year at the same time i gain a lot this year. Life, gain and lost. God always balance, but just he dunno what is more important for you. Maybe he let you gain something not important in your heart but let you lost something important in your heart. But then, this is our choice of the beginning and it depends what you gain and what you lost.


I always believe that we should give second chance to people. If the people still not appreciate the second chance, meaning the person has lost the right to deserve anything from me. Life is like that, always appreciate the chance you have, don't regret when you lost it.

Nothing much about me recently, some tired stuff and annoying stuff surrounding me only.

难题从来没有停过

如果恋爱不需要两个人的同意，我会选择谈恋爱了。我没有刻意选择单身，我多么希望有人能够为我顶着半边天，在我害怕的时候告诉我不要害怕。曾经在我最害怕的时候，有人握着我的手告诉我，你怕什么有我在。那一刻是多么的温暖，心多么的安定。有时候，安全感只是一种感觉，虽然很普通的一句话，却能够温暖我的心让我没有那么害怕。可是，这个人在三个月后，却握着另一个人的手然后告诉我，他遇到了他要的人。难道，我可以告诉他，我先遇到你，所以你一定要选择我。

现在的我多么得无助，我不知道该怎么处理这些事。我很害怕，我很想告诉人我的问题，就算帮不上忙，也可以聆听让我发泄。我暂时找不到适合的听从。我告诉自己要坚强，但我真的很害怕。我害怕这个孤独感，我害怕这个寂寞的感觉。我害怕这个很无助的感觉，没有人了解，没有人我可以诉苦。

但是，我除了单身，还能做什么。我都还没有遇到那个愿意守护我的人，我不想再遇到另一个让我心脆的人。那种失落很痛苦，就像火一样不停的燃烧我的心，痛得我哭了。

我明明就没有很坚强，为什么每个人都要说我可以的，没问题的。就算我的父母也很看得起我，我都不知道要怎么告诉他们，你的女儿我现在过得很凄惨。连饭都吃不下，觉也睡不好。

香水的诱惑

香水是我很重要的东西。从小学我就有用baby&johnsan出版的小孩子香水。到了中二, 我就开始用sample的香水，还是我妈妈用到一半不要用的香水。我一点都不介意用妈妈的香水，因为都是一些estee lauder，dior。

到了19岁那年，第一次父母出国我没有的跟着去，因为我已经上大学了。心里有点不平衡，所以妈妈问要什么，我就说我要一瓶香水。从那时起，每一年妈妈出国，我都有一瓶香水。直到今年，妈妈从韩国回来，给了我一瓶香水而我弟弟超不甘心下，我没有要。所以上个星期，妈妈在langkawi买了一瓶香水给我。哈哈！没有弟弟在家的时候，我当然拿。据妈妈买这香水给我的理由是，她看到我没有男子要，所以给我香水变有女人味一点。很好的理由，直接把我踩在地上，歌颂她的伟大。不过，我真的蛮喜欢这瓶香水，paris hilton的tease。味道真的不知道该怎么形容才好，有点迷惑的感觉，狂野中带点保守。哈哈！

香水，每一天就像生活的调味料，没有它，我会坐立不安，缺乏自信，生活乏味。失恋时，有了香水就像伤口中撒上一点药，慢慢痊愈。恋爱时，有了香水就像吃了糖果，甜得我怕我有糖尿病。单身时，就像勇气，鼓励我勇敢往前走，不要怕一个人，只要害怕找错人。

Be strong

Tired till wanna cry or lonely till wanna cry. I don't know, I just know no matter how hard is this moment, I have to go through it, learn to be strong, learn to be alone, learn to be independent. But is true, I feel so want to cry when I back home and see a messy and dirty house and I need to clean everything alone. I don't know I can make it or not, I just have to try my best. Be strong and don't cry. I don't know who can I ask for help, feel hopeless and helpless but I told myself, just be strong and do it!

工作了一天

好像写一下东西的，原来工作了一整天。我累了，不想再想东西了。工作还是累的，这一次不再是可以乱乱来了。因为不是一个月或两个月，会是长久的也许。

新的旅程

今天，我将去签offer letter，往后的日子我真的不知道会是怎样，只是知道我将过一年毫无计划。一天过一天的日子，我只想停下来，比别人慢也好，比别人不幸福也好，什么都不要理，慢慢看清楚自己的方向，自己的世界该怎样。上帝已经安排好了，更本轮不到我去选，若我一定要选，逆天而行只会让我的路过的更难。所以，我只能凭着3样东西，就是不害人，不做违法的事，不做伤天害理的事走我的路。别人的事少管，自己的事少说，白日梦发少一点，梦想实际一点。活得自在一点，凡事看开一点。

最后一个月的今年

11月的最后一天，浪漫地以Twilight作为结尾。最难过的11月终于结束了，12月我不敢期待更好，因为我真的是小人当道。只希望明年快点到来然后会更好。22岁即将来临，想到慢慢变老还真的怕，最怕是一年又一年的浪费掉而没有做些什么。不过，说好的22岁会休息一年，所以可以浪费明年。什么都不想，什么都不做，玩和普通做工就好了。

12月的第一天，我相信会在家度过。。因为现在的我生病了。衣服很多还没有洗，那些notes也好没有整理好。我就这样生病了，然后本来以为会得到的工作，多谢自己的天真。现在被人摆了一道，还要是自己的亲戚。真感激这么没脑的人，还要是活了44岁的女人。

所以我说我在家什么也不做，也能招惹很多人。不是男人就是女人，放过我吧！我只想好好的过生活。

改变

自从手机被偷后，换成了最初最普通的手机后，我有很久没有自拍了。渐渐地忘了当初自拍的乐趣，我已被这架什么功能都没有的手机麻木了我的追求欲。没办法，今年我没有把换手机的预算放在里面，所以我没有钱换手机。渐渐地，我把所有的事情都看得很开了，原来普通手机的好处就是你会把所有该放进心里的美丽画面存起来。

自从拿了五个subjects的今年，我已不再追求不停clubbing的生活。虽然停了一段时间没去，但也没有像当初那样的兴奋和期待，不再每次去都特地买新的裙子，装提早化，研究怎样化的又浓又妖艳。因为我终于领悟到了其实男生普通的肤浅，我已经可以毫无感觉地享受着那种被宠的感觉。完全不需要付钱也有本事喝醉就是证明我的实力更本不是新的裙子，浓浓的装。只要你是女生，长得不丑，男生还是会靠近你。

自从上一段又假又真的感情，我从一个每一天都会玩facebook game的人变成一个什么都不玩的人。朋友以前怎样劝我不要这么沉迷都没用，现在时间一到我就不玩了。很多时候，好像都是要自己看通，看透才会改变，变闷才会放弃。就像等着一段没有可能的爱情有点白痴，虽然我曾经想过我真的很想等待，就这样默默地等待。我觉得很浪漫如果我真的能等待，这么多年来我从来没有真的等待过任何一个人，也没有忠心于任何一个人很久。我想也许我太爱我自己了，我太觉得自己了不起了，我过度自信自己的能力，我也太理智了。

我的人生现在好像新的一样，我不知道自己现在可以做什么，不过朋友说，考完试的时间就是要拿来浪费。我觉得我是时候浪费一下我的时间，慢慢沉醉在自己的世界里。暂时停止计划接下来该做什么了，毕业后的时间多的是，不需要赶什么，也不需要梦想自己多少岁要达到什么目标。一天过一天就好了，因为我已经快过很多人了，就让他们快过我吧。曾经有位uncle说如果年轻时穷不用紧，因为你还有时间去变富有，老了不要穷就好了因为你已经没有时间了。目前，我最穷的就是我心灵，那种空无知识，没有内涵，没有修养的心灵真的让我觉得自己很糟糕。我物质上绝对没有问题，对于不追求名牌，名车的人来说，现在的我已经很好了。偶尔可以享用大餐，有vios驾，有衣穿，有房间住，可以逛街，clubbing，存够钱又能去旅行，走过的国家也不少，坐飞机的次数已经超过十次，朋友又不缺。幸福只是一种感觉，所以我学会了什么是幸福，满足就是幸福。我现在很幸福。从来不曾如此珍惜过我拥有的东西，因为他，我学会了珍惜。我领悟了，没有人是非得对你好，对你好不是什么理说当然的事，是我多年来修来的福。因为他曾经对我很好，但一结束就没有了那份好，我却从来没有珍惜过他对我的好，还任性的觉得那些好没有什么，现在我还是有点怀恋那份美好。

今年，我真的成长很多，我对自己的成熟都有点招架不住了。以前总觉得自己很成熟，现在才明白我现在其实才是最成熟的。因为我明白了很多道理，看透了很多事情，李嘉诚说过当你看透了很多事情证明你已经成熟了。一个人要看得通，看得透不简单。有些人一辈子都无法把很多事情看简单，我想要学习把每一件事情看开。我想我被两位朋友影响的很深，因为他们的思想就是那么的正面，我学习着他的思想，发现我变快乐了。情绪化也少了很多，还觉得生命的美好。

Last paper

Tomorrow finally is my last paper d,
I feel so scare.
Just wish me luck.
This paper will decide my destiny.
14hours more.

Happy night

Yesterday night I have free Movie from veronica and free meals from Philip. Really have a nice day with both of them. I feel so happy and feel like all the energy come back to me.

So happy to have a friend that is so understand me, Philip. Really he totally understand me and know me. Life can be so simple, I feel so happy when so many people actually really care about me.

Happiness is so easy for me, I didn't ask to have a lot of stuff. I just want a simple life with my love one all the time and got people understand me, care about me. That is really enough for me.

  

差一点点

那天和朋友研究我的出生日期和时间。我总是差一点，我出世的时间是凌晨00.17分，差一点我的生日日期就是17日了，我是18日出世，差一天我就会是从摩歇座变成水瓶座，因为19日就是水瓶座了。我是华人12月22日出世的，妈妈说我的预产期本来应该是初二，新年期间的。就这样差一点点我就本来属马变成属蛇。

从出世开始我总是差一点点，我的幸福往往也只是差一点点。我差一点点就会和他在一起，我差一点点就会出国念书。就是那么的差一点点，所以我活到现在。因为我也是差一点点就车祸了。

无法改变的，就让“差一点点”成为我生命的遗憾，遗憾有时最美，因为你永远不知道那个答案如果那不是遗憾。

大眼睛又怎样

眼睛这么大，还是没有挣大眼睛看清楚。朋友说的，虽然直接，但心里就是觉得甜，只有要好的朋友才会说的你体无完肤，让你好好反省。今天，能够遇见你这位朋友是我的幸运，也是我们的缘分，如果我的心没有受伤，我们不会是这么好的朋友。我相信我们的友情会很长久，因为我们对得上key。那种相见恨晚的感觉，能够了解我，没有多少人，还要能够让我把他的话听进去，真不简单。

失去了爱情而得到了友情。虽然我现在还在挣扎当中该不该就这样delete他，我还是有一点点妒忌，为何他要入此高调的谈恋爱。可不可以顾虑一下我的感受，很想就这样告诉他，我的心一点都不好，选择原谅你只是想让自己看来潇洒一点，有点面子。不想很丢脸地让你知道我其实爱上你而无法握紧你。对，我就是无法对感情不认真。我的朋友劝我如果真的无法继续，回马六甲休息一下，让心痊愈。我不知道该怎么做这个决定，我只知道如果无意间碰到他，我应该会崩溃。

有时候把自己逼的太强，只会在一个小爆发点就崩溃。

Who is the one?

How nice if have a guy just wanna grab my heart and won't let me go. My heart is totally tired and don't wish to fall for anyone anymore. No matter how much I pretend I'm fine, my heart still in pieces. I waiting someone to join it back and dun let me go. 你在哪里？

我终于要倒了

晚餐都没吃，就睡了一觉。心情却没有好一点，终于被人吵醒了。现在吃着快速面，打着字。只想让自己可以无意间把面给吃完。最近的体重下降的连我自己都怕了，有点太夸张了。虽然自己很想瘦下来，但这样瘦法未免有点吓倒我。可以想象一个星期瘦了2kg，再没有运动的情况下，只是自己一直都没什么胃口吃东西。真的不想再看见自己这样下去，没有人会可怜我。我却无法好好振作，我拥有了这么好的东西却继续自甘堕落，最大的缺点还是没有改。不要这么情绪化好吗？

今天回家的路上，一样很赛车。我在车里不停的呐喊，内心无法平静。有必要逼自己到这么紧吗？有必要一直装大方，装快乐吗？很想让自己放轻松，其实我还没有准备好，只是跟着时间的脚步走。无助得像疯狂大哭，哭却依然那么的困难。从来没想过原来毕业前夕的压力如此之大，一切看似安排好的路却很难走。以为容易的事，原来做起来真的很难。我算是温室长大的小孩，就是这样的失败。难道我要注定被他说中，我一出来社会就惨。无意间，他成为我的假想敌，只因为我的心已被他伤得变成碎片，他的谎言让我觉得自己愚蠢。我只想证明我不是他想的那样。

这一刻，我什么都不想做，我只想让时间过。我把自己逼疯了，我真的没办法再继续坚强下去。我想找个地方让自己和心都躲起来，想要时间停住在我躲起来的时候。

真的不想告诉任何人，现在的我脆弱的一碰就倒。我只想封锁我自己，活在自己的世界。可惜，我活在一个需要文凭，需要工作，需要钱才能生存。没有时间让我躲起来，封锁自己。除非，我不想活了。

感触

大方的祝福他们，只因我不想再停留了。我已经浪费了差不多我的一年青春为了两个男生，没有必要再这样下去了。我明白了，把它收好还是能从新出发。可悲今年我只剩下一个月，最后一个月可以让我尝试一下当facebook relationship status换了的感觉吗？

说好的，今年一定要成功换，却还是不能。我明年一定要说，如果没有兴趣当我的男朋友，麻烦滚远一点，不要浪费我的时间。我其实真的不想就这么放弃，不过一段又一段无法从暧昧变成情侣的感情把我的心给冷了。你啊，你，还不快点出来，你难道就想这样一直看我遇见错的人，心一直伤吗？别躲了，出来吧！

快要说再见的四年大学生涯，却是一大堆情情爱爱的回忆。

You are apple of my eye.

I just back from a Taiwan movie, "You are the apple of my eye". Well, the story really touch my heart and maybe I read before the novel, so I feel the novel is more details than the movie. All my memories is coming back to me. My secondary school memories and this few years Uni memories all is back to my mind.

I really have a lot of story to tell because my life is not normal. Everyday, every month have somethings unique happen, happy or sad also got. Story with guys, I have a lot, story with girls also I have a lot. I have a lot of friends, that why I have a lot of memories.

I'm thinking now, who is the guy I love the most for this few years, I can't give an answer. Because I just realize I equally love them just I love them in different stage of my life. I think maybe I just love myself more than everyone, but I seriously thanks to them because without them, I unable to shape my character now, and I will continue become that girl will lost control, emotional and negative.

Thank to 《那些年，我们一起追过的女孩》，I just realize that I should be happy that I have a very nice teenage life. If I really die now, seriously I feel no regret in life.

*I ask myself do I still feel sad for that things? If I no longer sad, why every night I will think about it? I just burn myself because of the curiosity. The most scary things is, he still non stop come in my dream disturb me sleeping. Haiz. People already have new gf lo, I think so much for what, we are just impossible. I keep remind myself, I must live happy and live normal, just treat the last few months nothing happen before.   

Random Post

Today I have my 1st exam for the final semester. I don't know why I'm so nervous till can't sleep whole night, but that is normal for me. I can't really sleep when exam is around, I just have too much stress to face it because I told myself, I only can success, I cannot failed! No choice, this sem I choose to take 5 subjects in order to graduate on time, the stress is expected. Some more, recently my heart was so empty, I feel like going out non stop, look for new excitement to cover the part of my heart which already hurt. Need time to cure it because I need to accept the fact that I'm can't even protect the relationship with the guy I love is totally have bad impact on my confidence. This is already 4th times within three months and end a relationship. The most sad things is actually everytime also because of another woman, that why I don't have chance. Is my faith, woman just like to fight for the guy I like, when I don't like them, normally they have single for quite long before start date with me.

Back to topic, after the stressful exam. Is time to relax myself before study hard for the next paper on next Monday. Have lunch with Philip, again my recent best buddy at One U sushi Zanmai then we have random movie section, Immortal. The service of Sushi Zanmai in One U is totally bad! We wait for an hour just for our sushi, and the floor is dirty. The only best things they can do is keep refill green tea for you. =.= Swt!

Immortal, nice but cruel for me. Not much comment on this movie, because I don't have much feeling after watching it. Recently, I will be keep going out because I know I just need to out more often to see how beautiful is this world. Time will cure my heart, I will wait for my happiness in the future. Sometimes Not i don't want to care, just I care also nothing I can do. Impossible I go fight with his new gf or go scold him. Because scold also useless, do anything also he already dump me. Nothing I can do, better go look for new one. Just need to open my heart, accept the fact and bless other.

Exam.

Now I feel regret d, I totally don't know how to do. Oh why?

Dramatic day 11-11-11

Yesterday was really a dramatic life for me ever. Seriously, I never thought before it will end like this, and I realize if I tell a fren, maybe they will think I create a story by myself. According to my plan, morning submit the IPD assignment, noon sing K section with a group of China fren cuz on of my china fren ask me to join her celebrate Single day(11-11-11), then after sing k, we will hv our dinner then heading to @live. The plan is sound so perfect but end up is totally not like this.

1st, I wait at my house from 2pm till 8pm only manage go out dinner, I'm so lucky that I have my subway lunch in Uni with my friend, if not I have eat maggi mee at home by that time I think. And then i manage to have a nap, send my resume to 2 company and facebook saw that guy just dump me have a kiss picture with his new girlfriend, means my dream never come true.

Then, I go to my china fren house, then her fren suddenly want to join her to @live so we wait and wait till 8 plus. We were in the chinese muslim restaurant because my china fren is a muslim. That Chinese muslim restaurant really a bit suck, because the serving was so slow. Then about 9 plus, back to Suriamas, i go change my clothes for a while. When I back to my fren house, my fren told me that I have to drive my car. My heart immediately what the hell! Act I plan to go zouk because i not willing to drive so i choose to join her that night to @live. Okay, since if I get angry or scold is useless, i just be patient and drive to KL.

When we reach @live, seriously i never thought that china fren are so "smart", how can you go club without bringing your passport. You think here is China, won't check on you so no standard. Summore your look was just like a kids. Therefore, so happy that we wait outside @live and unable to go in. I seriously feel regret at that moment, since no different, i still have to drive, why don't I just join Sharon at 1st place to zouk. Then I suggest we change to Zouk. And then we jam again in the road, and I almost accident, because I seriously don't know the road, i don't know we can'r right turn to zouk, have to make a U turn in front. So lucky that Teksi brake as fast as he can so din bang to my car. If not, tragedy will happen then.

Finally, we reach zouk. I thought I manage to bring them in as Putera was working there, he got guestlist. Unfortunately the guestlist was close when we reach there because he say the guestlist just until 12am. That time, I was Oh My God, I feel like I don't want care anything and go in have fun! So, my china fren was suggest that they take teksi go nearby sing k, then when I finish club then fetch them back. Such a good idea, I just want to go in zouk to have fun! So i call Sharon and ask her whether can bring me in or not, if not I just pay cover charge. So awkward is Victor, my fren ex boy friend bring me in because he was VIP there, means he can just straight away walk in without any block and check long queue. It is really weird for me, because I feel that I don't want to have any relation with him after they broke up. He was embarrass me before at Soul Out but just a tiny things, I don't really angry about that. Just feel weird at that moment, because i thought he hate me.

I was have a lot of fun in zouk, the drink is just like free flow for me, non stop supply until I have to really stop myself because I'm driving. So many people treat me drink and make me feel like once again pampered by people. Well, I actually feel quite down when I go inside phuture, the feeling is like stranger, I used to be very familiar with that place but I have quit for sometimes and now I return is like totally strange for me. Lucky this feeling is just about 30min and I start get used to it. There is no any special guy that grab my heart away, but I got see few guys is my type but then I don't manage to know them so just forget about it. One more things, I have a very good market to attract foreign guy, there is about 3 foreign guy, one from france, one from Arab and another one don't know from where try to grab me to dance with them. However, no mood to fool around with them on that night due to Mr. J post a photo that he kiss his new GF. Ya, so fast he have found his Miss Right, I'm still there alone without seeing or get close to any Mr.Right of course I didn't feel good. But I won't simply pick one on the roadside, because I trust my standard can always find a better one. *Over Confidence with myself* Back to the topic, I have dance with a guy wearing red colour shirts, he look quite cool in the dance floor and he make me feel myself are attractive. Too bad, I can't remember his name and don't have his number.

After finish clubbing, I call my China friend and plan to pick them up. Who know they all already take teksi back, so sad that I have to drive alone back home at 4am. So pity right, somemore nobody call me whether I reach home already or not after I reach my house. This make me feel really want to find a boy friend so at least got someone call me. But then again, I give up this idea in the morning. I'm just too enjoy being single, maybe I just need some relationship like casual or open relationship, means we are boy friend and girl friend but then we still have our own pleasured time. He just need to care about me, I will be very happy already. The story havent end, because when I reach my house, I just realize I drop my housekey. Meaning I got no door to get in my house. Then I got no choice, call my housemate at 4.30am just to open the door for me.

Seriously, I feel so bad for calling people in the morning 4.30am. But I got no other choice d, if not i have to sleep inside my car or maybe will get rap by other. Okay, I know I think too much. So that is for my wonderful 11-11-11 dramatic day! I feel sad, happy, frustrated, angry, heart pain, tired and confidence.

我为自己许了一个不可能会发生的愿望，也许那一刻我就是喜欢这种遗憾的美丽。愿望不是每个都能实现，但至少我们曾经有过这种愿望，就当作自己发了一场好梦。

How my 11-11-11 will be? Hehe~

Never think of what will happen on 11-11-11, maybe it will be very romantic if you start a relationship on this day. But I think start on which date also will be romantic as long as you will remember it the rest of your life because you are with someone special, sure you won't forget. 10-10-10 of mine is nothing happen because I'm rushing assignment and prepared for the exam. So, 11-11-11 is same, i just finish my assignment and prepare for the monday exam. Someone special, where are you?

I got small little wish that is impossible to come true, I wish that guy just dump me tell me "I love you".

So impossible right, if he love me then he won't dump me. Haha. But that is not wrong to dream because dream always is fake. So I will continue dream it while I sleeping because I feel happy if I dream that. Since I still love him, so my 11-11-11 will not celebrate with the one I love. So I will celebrate with friend, maybe will go out to meet some new friends.

Small little record of 10-11-11, My body is older than many aunty and uncle, really feel shame when doing body attack class in gym just now, i can't finish the whole section, i just feel my brain go blank, body pain until I can't continue because I scare if I force myself, it will hurt my organ.

After gym, I have very nice snowflake with fren. I met another important people in my life, there is my new best friend Philip. I seriously can talk with him everything and feel comfort when talk to him, because his theory is same with me. We are all crazy. I love to live happily everyday just like this. All the problem is not a problem if you really don't take it too serious, the hardest time will past very fast if your happy moment past very fast too. Everyone have 24 hours so the world is equal.

Don't be surprise why I suddenly can live so positive. Because the things I have go thru this year make me think positive d, nothing can consider worst if die is not the worst things.

Can't believe he just pass away

Tonight I plan to finish my IPD assignment. But I go read my fren blog, and then I plan to start it after reading my fren blog. Then I facebook 1st as usual, when i start doing anything i will automatic facebook 1st, i saw a sad news in facebook. One of my idol,許冠英 has pass away. Can't believe he just pass away.

Haiz, this is so called life. Really 2 things in life, born and die. That why I now no mood to do my IPD assignment d, because I'm just feel so sad.

I don't know why, i just love funny guys. I realize every guy can really attack my heart have a common things is even they are not laughing, I still feel funny. Because their look are funny and they behave like kids want a sweet, I feel funny. Again, I'm crazy here because my idol is pass away.

If continue like that, i really scare I can't graduate. But I know, I'm last minute person, I don't have any idea if I still got a lot of time.

One day I will pass away also, I just wish I can hold the one I love when I pass away. Of course, my weakness is guy, so it will be my future lover. Ok, I stop desperate for guy at this moment, because one of the guy i like when I was young had pass away. I can't believe that, cannot accept.

You might think I'm crazy, I'm crazy all the time. If I act normal, then that is not Sanze Koh.

K, now i want continue go sad for the fact. Good Nite.

"stop being crazy there!"

Celebration of 500 posts

This is 500th post. Hooray!

Recently I don't know why I update my blog so often. Even I realize actually nobody are reading my blog, because I didn't promote it, I don't post on my facebook. Well, I just scare people actually understand me. Sometimes, I refuse to let people understand me, I scare unwanted advise will influence me. Maybe I just love being live in my own world. Here is my comfortable zone. I never feel secure of my life even I born from a middle class family, no financial problem, not much stress because I still a student until this month. No rush for looking job because my mum promise will continue give me financial support till February. What stress I have? But the uncertainty of future make me feel so insecure. I scare I will be torture by my boss, I scare I will meet a bad guy in the future, cheat all my money and torture me. I worry I can't live better than now. I scare I don't have the ability to survive by myself.

Well, maybe you will think I think too much, but imagine that your comfort zone suddenly change, can you really bear on it? I totally no idea. So far, no guy torture me before, no guy cheat my money before, no guy really cheat my feeling just they take away my heart. But i know after few months, they will return it to me, i will got my heart back and give it to new one. Believe in God, he had arrange the road for me. I think for the past 21, he has arrange a very good road to me, just some small little unhappy things but still I live great right now.

I'm appreciate that I can live until today, because few times I tot I can't live anymore. I tot my life is come to the end. I'm sensitive people, thank to him for giving me this lovely character. I love my character being so emotional and sensitive. Hard to imagine if I don't have feeling, my life will be bored. I don't know what is sad and hurt if I never experience happy before. Love myself, and love the people around me. I never realize that I blame a lot of my life till now I'm 21. Finally, I realize I live better than a lot of people. Life hardly to be perfect, but this is still the life I want. I choose it, why I want to feel unhappy for my choice? I learn a lot, I experience a lot of stuff. I love explore new things, new stuff, new relationship. I suffer before, I sad before, I try to commit suicide before. At my age 21, I learn a lot and open up my heart. Take everything calmly. Ya, I realize you just need to chill and you will realize, not a big deal. I dump guy before, of cuz I have to accept the fact that I dump by guy too.

A friend has told me that, if you think that is not a problem, then just be yourself. Others might tell you, you should change and be like this or that, imagine if you listen to it then you will another same person. There is nobody are same. Don't trust that kind of crap, just be yourself. Think and do it, live better. Nobody will help you to live, if yourself don't know how to live your life.

Another friend was tell me that "原来看的开的意事只，看大点，看的远，看的通，看的透，和看的明。 而不是放气，放下和放开。。因为那叫let it go..." You won't let it go because it has be part of your memory unless you don't have memory. So, just look it at big picture, let it be part of your memory because human brain has a lot memory space, don't waste it. At the same time, you need to find new memory for your brain, if not so big memory space for you is useless.

Talk to me if you are unhappy. Trust me, you will be happy after that. I'm a joker.

p/s: I want go drink and play pool tonight to celebrate this 500th post! Not easy to have 500th post with the speed I blog! Hehe.

Nothing Special

Yes, I'm just back from Melaka, means the following day I will be quite busy for studying and assignment. Oh well, I keep telling myself, I'm happy, I'm busy, I have to move on.

Weird~ I don't know why recently I don't feeling typing a single word of chinese. Weird case, I don't know what is in my mind currently! I got no idea, why I sound so weird, look so weird, act funny. Stop being funny, this is what I have been told. Ya, a guy gone, more guy to come, an old one go, a new one will come. However, again I miss him without any signal, any single reason. Again, I being scold by my friend, why you want to do this kind of things to hurt yourself? Why? I also got no idea. Too playful? Everytime I'm full of stress, sure no one want to be with me. This is a cruel fact of my life. 3years, how I wish someone willing to bring me food when I study too hard, how I wish someone will hug me tight tight and ask me rest a while only continue study.

Ok, I'm dreaming again. No reason for it, just love to dream. I wish next year will be better. I know next year will have a same goal again, i want to be in serious relationship. Haha. Sound hopeless, cuz alrd 3years I told myself the same things. I want feel secure. =)

That all of my story today. Chao~

Lipdub

Today I was so enjoy the "lipdup" in my Uni. It is really fun and awesome. At the same time, I feel release stress. Well, when you can just joke around, crap a lot, no need care about what they think of you because you know it is not gonna happen anything or continue to be best fren or more than fren, relax. Just be myself. I can be very crazy, cheerful, naughty and Joyful! I'm just like a guy, can joke any kind of topic, I'm not sensitive, i don't act girly. However, I love girl stuff quite a lot and I have the sensitivity of girl. I realize I'm perfect combination but then I actually have a lot of problem and disadvantages.

Haha, don't know what am I talking about. By the way, just want to make a small record about today, is fun and tired day. Hope the effect of the music video will be great! Thanks to Payam give me such opportunity to join somethings huge! Haha! This is the first event I join at Uni and make me have a good memory. I know a lot of new and funny friends such as Victor, Derrick, Mitchell, Lulu, and bla bla bla that i keep talking to them but actually dunno them and don't really remember their face. Thanks to Manshuk, give me some financial temporary support because I really pissed off wth a girl. I think i no longer want to out with her anymore, doesn't matter I borind or be alone. Seriously, i really think she will make others think I'm same with her if I go too close with her. She really don't how to agak one lo! I got no money still want me help her to buy the T-shirt! Really "Smart" la she, I reject till so obvious also want to continue ask me buy! Come on, I'm not the guy like you or you hired me la! The things i hate the most is those girls really banyak pattern, I can ensure that I even more pattern if she don't how to stop it.

Last but not least, I feel so want to go Zouk. I so long didn't party, but I don't know how. I don't how should I go after reach home at 10pm. I'm so tired!

Feeling of tonight

Today I have a great night chatting with my friend, Sharon. Sometimes, I just know what is going on with myself, I not that lost. Just I not dare to face my problem, I so afraid of changing. Sometimes, you just need someone to keep remind you, you are the one who is with a lot of life plan and goals. Have you achieve it? No, I haven. So, why I keep lost at there?

Feeling is normal for a girl, especially a girl who like to think too much. That's me. Be myself, trust yourself is a better person after all.

I admit that I just get confuse with the game I play with, because the feeling is real but it is a game. This is good for challenging myself to a better level, what I need to do is wake up and be clear with the game rules. Who fall 1st is the loser. Don't be afraid to be a loser, you learn. I'm the loser, cuz I have lost my heart to you in 2011.

I learn a lot from the past relationship and I know if I know how to stop it at the right time, I won't have such hurt feeling. I should thank to him because he found out something wrong with me and immediately stop the game.

Well, if I'm totally fine is totally a lie. But then is ok to be not really fine because is just happened. When one day I stop write something about him, then I know I'm fine. I know I might not really ok at this moment, but the feeling is getting weak. I love him? I think I just miss him, I love myself more. Because I din go chase for it, I just agree to let go. I don't even want to waste my time to chase for him when I think that is so low chance to get him, so I assume that I just like him. I believe if I really love a person, I will totally don't care of the percentage things.

Just read a friend blog, I believe what I judge him is correct, when he really love a girl, he will totally 100% love that girl. He didn't really love me last year. Lucky I didn't go for it, I still prefer a guy love me more than I love him.

Feeling is somethings hard to explain, it is weird. I know I have met the one who truly love me before although I not so sure. But 6 years, he non stop go after me, I assume he truly love me before. Just too bad, I don't want to be with him at all. I know he will love me as much as he can but just wrong timing. I can't deny that I don't love him at all when in a relationship with him but that kind of love I think is just touching for his . He never give me that feeling I want to do everything with him. I just want to find a guy that I willing to do everything for him. I'm so sorry I never have such strong feeling with you before even I feel safe and warm when you hold my hand.

Maybe a guy who give me some challenge can make me fall for him. Till now, I'm still confuse which is the guy I love the most. I just know, I always so in love with a guy when I'm with that guy.

Thousand of bad feeling

If according my plan, tonight I should finish my IPD assignment after my final presentation. However, I totally no mood to do anything, so I thought I will got mood to start my assignment after movie with my frens,"In Time". After that, I went to station1 in ss15 with fren and start doing the IPD assignment. Sad things is, I keep talking with him about the same issue over and over again. Then I keep facebook and read others blog. Finally I decide stop everything and back home to rest.

When I'm home, I watch drama for a while. Then I chat with fren in facebook for a while. So as usual, I click on the link of blog, and I read his blog again. 1 year ago, he is the one that suddenly go away from my life, delete me in facebook and msn. Then he change his phone num, totally no more contact with me. And now he is hurt. Haiz, I also hurt now, just by different guy. I seriously miss him when he walk away. I never thought I will like him or fall for him, but then today after discuss it in detail with Philip, everything is really a faith.

He not my kind of guy just because he has tummy and look a bit uncle. But once I get to know him more, i found out he actually very man and has his cute side. Then I 1st time being robbed, I bang car, I have the most stress for this sem as the assignments is so much. I think, bcuz he is the one be with me when i need accompany the most, that why I fall for him. That is the only reason I can explain, why I fall for him. But then, I not yet go even deeply love him, he has walk away. Sad.

Love that Quote, "missing someone is just like fish without water, suffer". I really do suffer a lot at this moment because I seriously don't know how to stop myself miss him. I just miss him without a reason. Can I be with him in the future? Believe that, maybe. Impossible is nothing, just believe it you will get. Well, this is just used for motivate people, the real is I impossible can get him so I have to move on. I miss you. =)

I wish tomorrow I will back to normal and have very good mood to finish the IPD assignment. Guy is my weakness, but it won't stop me to achieve my goals.

一时感想

今天是我在学校presentation最后一次了。

终于要毕业了，

虽然不知道是否顺利，

不过，我觉得我会顺利毕业。

毕竟剩下的四个考试都不会太难，

应该应付得来。

原来当我毕业时，

我不会找工。

可能会随便找工作，

然后累积经验先。

有工请介绍我，

本小姐需要开始供车了。

每个月最基本的生活费就已经RM1500。

还没有包括吃喝玩乐的费用。

想到都觉得可怕。

伸手要钱虽然有点需要看人脸色，

但自己赚钱绝对辛苦得无言。

愿上帝保佑！

我顺顺利利。

November 来了

十一月啦~

快要结束这一年了！

final exam后，

我就毕业了。

时间真快，

剩下两个月，

脱离单身的目标已经放弃。

世界这么美好，

玩到闷先。

我现在已经放弃找男朋友了，

因为没有意思。

看了What's your number？为十月结束的电影。

顺其自然有时会好过设定目标。

也许心死了，也许被朋友点醒了。

下个月，我会找到工作吗？

希望我能找到工作。

巴厘游后感

其实我真的很想写我的巴厘岛游记，

但没有照片怎么可能写的好。

这次的旅行很棒。

感觉很好。

我现在人也开朗了起来。

感觉生命就要从新开始了！

我的生命也许已经从新开始了。

一连串的计划已经在我的脑海里了。

当然，从新开始不容易。

我不会这么轻易放弃。

等考试过了，

我就可以开始我的计划！

有机会去巴厘岛玩吧！

很便宜，整个旅程只需RM1200。

包括shopping！

我买了蛮多东西。

按摩真的很好有很便宜。

只是洗头让我觉得很烂。

第一次旅行有去当地的club很开心。

其实上次去Melbourne和Sydney就已经想看看那里的club。

不过，我的朋友都不喜欢这些夜生活，

只好放弃参观。

SkyGarden，是一定要去的地方。

喜欢夜生活的朋友，

那里真的很棒。

酒都很便宜。

一杯lime magarita 只是40，000rp。

等于RM15左右。

还有就是如果不怕肮脏就一定要尝尝masakan padang，

还有ayam bertutu，便宜又好吃。

只是我个人觉得很不卫生。

因为感觉那些食物有recycle的。

此次旅行，很少去景点，

主要以relax为主，

所以都是走走看看然后按摩，

喝喝酒，逛逛街。

再来就是看外国人。

他们有些身材真的很好。

让我又想摸摸看的感觉。

哈哈~我在那里有艳遇哦！

荷兰人，不错不错！

原来我在外国人的眼中还有一点市场。

旅行完后，

我只能说我的爱情梦又在发芽了！

我不会放弃寻找感觉对的人。

没有爱情的生活多么无聊。

今天，看见了他的blog，

发现他被抛弃了。

想一想，刚刚好去年的这时候，

也是他抛弃我的时候。

虽然我从来没有希望他被抛弃。

我其实还蛮羡慕他这么快找到对的人。

原来真的有报应的。

但我希望不要因为我而得到报应，

其实想一想，被抛弃的理由也是我的性格问题。

我如此善变，情绪化，若我是男的，也会觉得很辛苦。

我现在就要真正改变这个性格。

不要再把自己变得那么伤心。

只为了引起他人的注意。

照片请游览我的facebook。

若想问问如何以最便宜的方法游玩可以留言哦。

我觉得我命好好哦！

想想我，

人生不可能是完美的。

我能够这么勇敢的过了那段我最辛苦的日子，

我佩服我自己，

也许我就是男人命，需要靠自己去坚强，

虽然在感情上我依然无法顺顺利利，

但我已经很好命了。

有多少人可以在21岁驾新车，

还要是我计划里25岁的车。

有多少人能够这么难过和痛苦还可以去旅行散散心。

人总会有得或失，

我失去了只是一个我可能过度依赖的伴。

人总会在最难过的时候，

需要一个人在身边，

哪怕是虚情假意，

只想要份安全感。

也许他选错了时间结束，

才会让我顿时崩溃。

有没有真正的爱过他，

感情是有的，但我其实也有控制着。

毕竟我们相遇在两人最寂寞的时候，

根本就是错的时间，

我和他都还没有准备好去爱一个人。

加上本来性格就不合，

我和他从星座学来看，就是白羊对山羊的离开越远越好。

我给了自己一百个不可以伤心的理由，

但失落感依然存在。

若说我没想过要拥有他的心，

根本不可能，但一开始我真的不想要他。

也许现在的结束对我们都好，

感情不深，应该不会伤心那么久，

只是我真的爱累了。

暂时封锁着我的心。

不想了，事业为重吧！

一个聪明的女人，

应该在无论什么时候都要保持漂亮，

只有让自己变得更好失恋才有意义。

自甘堕落只会让你活得更曹。

所以咯，缚个美美的mask，

准备去我的散心之旅。

巴里岛，我来啦！

成功瘦了2kg，开心！

希望我继续加油!

离目标还有5kg。=）

大玩特玩~

原本以为今天会心情低落，

结果到了pavilion逛街，

看了场电影。

心情变好啦~

明天要去巴里岛大玩特玩！

喝酒会是我终级目标！

好久没有喝酒的感觉了。

期待ing~

第二天

失恋中的第二天，

心情好了一点，

偶尔会提醒自己已经失去了。

还是那么一点点的伤心。

不过觉得自己很强了，

至少眼泪少了。

加油啊！活好来！

你可以的！

希望不要让我看到他活得很好，

我很怕我会受不了。

为何要难过。

我也不知道。

失恋中

最终还是结束了。

预料中，却少许感到意外。

如果每次我都会这么难过，

为何我每次都那么不听话地敢敢去爱。

既然还是朋友，

就不必计较这么多了。

下次，也许我需要他的帮忙。

倒下来了

这一次所承受的压力比我想象中大很多，

加上家人的不谅解，

终于受不了而哭着睡。

原来我也没有想象中那么坚强。

若我能做的女子，

那么这一切，

我该如何去面对。

我身旁一个人都没有。

已经不好意思再麻烦我的朋友了。

我最近麻烦事多到可怕。

“也许，我只需要你的一点关心，我就会雨过天晴，当初你承诺过会疼我，现在却没有。为何我就一定要遵守不可以爱上你的承诺，你却没有遵守疼我的承诺。你让我心碎了，我却没有办法就这样离开你。我们这到底是什么关系？”

一个吃不下早餐的清晨

人总是明明知道，

还是要选择不知道。

对我冷漠的太明显了，

我一直控制自己，

不能找他。

我望着上线的他，

我知道他不会找我了。

我明白的，

如此敏感的我怎么可能会感觉不到。

太明显的冷漠让我心受伤了。

其实早就有裂痕，

只是自己一直忽视。

以忙碌为借口，

不想把自己所感觉到的当真。

曾经什么都不是，

后来还是一样什么都不是。

最害怕的自欺欺人，

最不想的一厢情愿。

最恐惧的就是习惯。

最心痛的就是历史重演。

每一段感情都短暂而让人刻骨铭心。

我把你的冷漠当成结束。

就这样，我自己做个结论吧！

与其，不停的瞎猜，还不如让自己心碎。

没想到当初你说的我不会受伤，

原来你所谓的不伤害我，

就是这种方式慢慢让我离开。

这样的不清不楚足以让我受伤。

最近的课业繁忙到让我害怕，

最近的意外让我毫无心情，

最近的感情也没当初那样说的那么简单。

最近的我也因为意外让我陷入经济困难，

但我却不想再开口向家里拿钱。

我已经花了家里很多钱了，

再拿钱我就真的不知道怎么办。

最近的我不需减肥，也自然瘦了下来。

就这样一个星期瘦了2kg。

吃不下，睡不好已经一个星期多了。

这样的困境叫我如何能笑得出来。

若说我不emo，那是不可能的。

希望明天回家，可以好好的睡一下。

但星期天要交的两千个字还没有写。

若在我最低潮的时候，

你还能像开始时那样的关心我，

恐怕我会爱你很深，

为你付出两倍。

也许这样也好，

当作人生多了一个回忆。

望着你的照片，

我知道我违反了我们当初的约定。

感情若能控制，

我还不如爱上有钱人。

是你无知，还是我过于感情用事。

理智~让山羊座的我发挥最佳本能。

冷漠。

虚惊

今天有点从死门关活过来的感觉，

真的差一点，可能就会造成很严重的意外。

我把自己逼到了一个点，

然后哭了。

因为我发现在我最无助的时候，

我找不到能帮我的人。

我不知道可以打电话给谁。

虽然我很想打电话给他。

不过，他在上班，也不会管我。

我好像很了解他了。

并不是，只是他已经对我很冷淡。

我知道答案，只是我不想这么快就放手。

曾经就是因为我的太心急，

而失去一个又一个我想爱的人。

这一次，慢慢地，不管结果如何。

是我的总会是我的。

但我真的不知道我几时会等不及了。

虽然一开始我觉得我不会喜欢他。

但现在演变到这样，

我也只能接受。

好怀恋当初他对我很好的时候。

为什么男人总喜欢在一开始就对一个女人这么好，

却在得到她后冷落她呢？

无奈，还是无奈。

我只能寄情于学业。

还能做什么。

如果可以，我很想把他绑在我身边直到我闷。

也许那一天，我不再等你，

你会是我人生的一个回忆。

我知道你想离开我了。

但，我不知道怎么开口让你离开。

我只想说，在我最无助的时候，

没有人在身边的感觉很糟。

朋友也只能帮到表面上的东西。

为何你连我的朋友都不如。

很伤心，没能拥有你的心，

但却曾经很你在一起。

再见。

无情的灵魂

精神上的压力让我喘不过气来，身躯的疲惫让我更想从此逃离这个地方。但，我又有哪里可以去。我的灵魂和肉体都被捆住了在这个十月。无力去哭，无处埋怨，只能一个人默默承受着这无形的残酷。让时间带我走，让上帝决定着我的命运。我已无法掌握自己该怎么活下去了。靠着的只是爱我的家人和朋友继续呼吸。

I have deactivate my facebook

就在我的情绪到了一个爆裂的时候，

突然做了一个决定，

暂时deactivate我的facebook 了。

既然我面对不了，

就暂时逃避吧!

我真的不知道应该怎么办了。

心痛！

只要闭上眼睛就想起我的车被刮花了，

那个白痴这么大的位也可以撞我的车。

心痛到不行，我的车新的啊！

才三个星期而已咯！

我的天啊！

心痛到不行！

无题

最好形容我的词应该是变态~

我绝对认同我自己很白痴。

傻瓜都知道该放手，

我都不知道自己在等什么。

我的天，我真的说不出byebye~

就这样，我在想晚餐要吃什么？

我要吃到肥肥？

不是的，压力大！

所以想吃东西。

更新一下

最失败的女人，

往往发他的脾气不超过15分钟。

我就是这样给他吃死死。

不应该这样的！

我要振作！

我要奋斗！

我要离开这样的烂关系！

只是如果他都不介意，

我还能说什么。

不喜欢，就是这样永远都不喜欢！

恨，当初要遇见这样的人。

虽说是我自己的选择，

但我往往定力不够，

就这样被勾魂了。

我本来就没有什么定力可言。

每一天都恨他，

但却不舍得他活得不好，

我都在为他祈祷，

愿他平平安安，顺顺利利！

“你永远都不知道我对你的好，可悲！”

暂住

一个星期了，

真的那么厉害，

大家都当没事发生过。

别骗自己了，

其实心已经有了个洞，

痛了，装不痛。

我每晚都想着你入睡，

当你在我身边时，

我都没有如此的想你，

真的失去了，才觉得自己原来很想你。

我把我的思念变成文字，

任由它自在的飞舞。

我尝试不想你。

原来比想你还痛苦。

你就像是我暂时的原子笔，

当ink完了，我知道我会把他丢掉。

只是现在还很好写，

不舍得而已。

Force myself to continue life

Nobody will care if you still sad,

Time won't stop for you because you are sad,

Seriously I don't know how to face it,

I'm afraid and sad.

I scare I stop and going slow,

I worry that I left out.

I dunno what should I do...

我不想你读

无意间，开始了gym life，

相信自己应该可以办到。

我的人就是如此奇怪，

只要有伴，什么都爱做。

什么都能常常做。

我真的是害怕寂寞的人，

失去他，并不可怕在于失去一个爱的人，

更可怕的是，我即将面对的空虚。

我每次都很怕一段感情结束要面对的日子。

无论多忙，身边有多少朋友，

心里总是空空的。

也许我没有很爱他，

只是我不想空虚。

我一个人无法过得很好，

但这一次我毫无选择。

坚强，也许是掩饰我心中的脆弱。

我总是相信看起来越弱的人，

其实最容易受伤的人就是他。

重新出发

不知道我天生乐观还是什么，

深深一想，又好象不怎么伤心了。

那个充满斗志的我又回来啦！

不知道我的自信哪里来的，

女人越伤心的时候，又应该越把自己变得更漂亮，

我是有魅力的，何必在乎那区区小人。

玩具，本来就会玩腻的！

下个月，除了会有车，

我也会有新电话。

然后，我会去gym。

再到巴厘岛旅行。

女人越爱自己，男人才越爱你。

不选择我，也许他自卑吧。

哈哈！我就是这样，

不愿意认输的性格，

就会是拼命的让他觉得我活得很好！

我很快乐，我很开心。

输了心，就该赢回我的自尊心。

会不会再找我，

不管了。

哈哈~ 我真的是蛮变态的！