Feeling of tonight

Today I have a great night chatting with my friend, Sharon. Sometimes, I just know what is going on with myself, I not that lost. Just I not dare to face my problem, I so afraid of changing. Sometimes, you just need someone to keep remind you, you are the one who is with a lot of life plan and goals. Have you achieve it? No, I haven. So, why I keep lost at there?

Feeling is normal for a girl, especially a girl who like to think too much. That's me. Be myself, trust yourself is a better person after all.

I admit that I just get confuse with the game I play with, because the feeling is real but it is a game. This is good for challenging myself to a better level, what I need to do is wake up and be clear with the game rules. Who fall 1st is the loser. Don't be afraid to be a loser, you learn. I'm the loser, cuz I have lost my heart to you in 2011.

I learn a lot from the past relationship and I know if I know how to stop it at the right time, I won't have such hurt feeling. I should thank to him because he found out something wrong with me and immediately stop the game.

Well, if I'm totally fine is totally a lie. But then is ok to be not really fine because is just happened. When one day I stop write something about him, then I know I'm fine. I know I might not really ok at this moment, but the feeling is getting weak. I love him? I think I just miss him, I love myself more. Because I din go chase for it, I just agree to let go. I don't even want to waste my time to chase for him when I think that is so low chance to get him, so I assume that I just like him. I believe if I really love a person, I will totally don't care of the percentage things.

Just read a friend blog, I believe what I judge him is correct, when he really love a girl, he will totally 100% love that girl. He didn't really love me last year. Lucky I didn't go for it, I still prefer a guy love me more than I love him.

Feeling is somethings hard to explain, it is weird. I know I have met the one who truly love me before although I not so sure. But 6 years, he non stop go after me, I assume he truly love me before. Just too bad, I don't want to be with him at all. I know he will love me as much as he can but just wrong timing. I can't deny that I don't love him at all when in a relationship with him but that kind of love I think is just touching for his . He never give me that feeling I want to do everything with him. I just want to find a guy that I willing to do everything for him. I'm so sorry I never have such strong feeling with you before even I feel safe and warm when you hold my hand.

Maybe a guy who give me some challenge can make me fall for him. Till now, I'm still confuse which is the guy I love the most. I just know, I always so in love with a guy when I'm with that guy.