Time flies. One year already. Who am I today is what I did yesterday.
Complicated feeling. I always wish to be in a stable relationship, Find a boy friend that really willing introduce all his friend to me, Find a guy who is really willing to spend his valuable time with me, Find a guy who is really wish to know all my friend. I don't like to be so secretive. Last year I thought he will be the one but only last for 2 months. This year, I understand that it is really hard for me in a proper relationship. Because I'm not confidence we will last for more than 2 months, luckily now we already 2 month. Now I wish, at least half year for this relationship.
My friend say it is an addiction. What I think is, I lazy want to change current situation or I actually like this. But sometimes I refuse to be like this, may be it just because I cannot really tell the world he is mine. I don't like sharing, I really scare one day I realize i'm sharing him wit a girl.
Well, this is what we call casual relationship. No commitment, freedom to do anything, of course, I have to bear the consequences. I have to "one eye open, one eye close". Yes, I'm free to do everything. Club with four guys friends, Out with guy friend for grocery. Without worry about how should I explain or misundertstand. This is the advantage of casual relationship. But the disadvantage is I cannot jealous if he do the same things.
Am I happy with him right now? Yeah, I am happy every time together with him. But he really has so less time to spend with me. I see him almost one week once, I talk to him almost 2 days once thru facebook chat or msn. Everytime only 10 to 20 mins. I'm now worry, soon I will be bored of it.
*If God let me met him, why God want to make him sound complicated to me?
For recently so many unlucky happen on me, 1st time, I don't really think about what will happen next for this relationship. Maybe because of this, that why it last longer. Finish thinking, let it be.
Hooray~ I wish I can get my car on Nov. I really wish that!
*Pray to God, please help me to decide what should I do next.
After 9 months, I saw a guy I used to love a lot finally have a girl friend. The feeling is sad, so I think i need to record down the feeling after reading his blog. He no idea I still reading his blog, because he already totally ignore me in life. I don't have his facebook, I don't have his phone number anymore. I know it is no longer important but still I feel unhappy with it.
I'm thinking is it I'm really so worse until I hardly make a guy willing to make a commitment to me? I have been single for 3 years. I found that I hardly trust a guy anymore, especially after this guy. I really jealous while reading the feeling he describe about how she met her new girl friend. He make me fall for him and he just throw me away like a rubbish when I start fall for him. The sadness is nobody can really understand and feel it. Well, I'm fine tonight. Maybe one day, he will know the feeling being a rubbish.
Now I have a close friend, but I doubt he won't make a commitment to me in the future. I'm just slowly waiting for a right guy or close my heart; be alone for the rest of my life.
Jealous make me ugly, so I will happy move on and forget about it after write down all the feeling.