Recently I don't know why I update my blog so often. Even I realize actually nobody are reading my blog, because I didn't promote it, I don't post on my facebook. Well, I just scare people actually understand me. Sometimes, I refuse to let people understand me, I scare unwanted advise will influence me. Maybe I just love being live in my own world. Here is my comfortable zone. I never feel secure of my life even I born from a middle class family, no financial problem, not much stress because I still a student until this month. No rush for looking job because my mum promise will continue give me financial support till February. What stress I have? But the uncertainty of future make me feel so insecure. I scare I will be torture by my boss, I scare I will meet a bad guy in the future, cheat all my money and torture me. I worry I can't live better than now. I scare I don't have the ability to survive by myself.
Well, maybe you will think I think too much, but imagine that your comfort zone suddenly change, can you really bear on it? I totally no idea. So far, no guy torture me before, no guy cheat my money before, no guy really cheat my feeling just they take away my heart. But i know after few months, they will return it to me, i will got my heart back and give it to new one. Believe in God, he had arrange the road for me. I think for the past 21, he has arrange a very good road to me, just some small little unhappy things but still I live great right now.
I'm appreciate that I can live until today, because few times I tot I can't live anymore. I tot my life is come to the end. I'm sensitive people, thank to him for giving me this lovely character. I love my character being so emotional and sensitive. Hard to imagine if I don't have feeling, my life will be bored. I don't know what is sad and hurt if I never experience happy before. Love myself, and love the people around me. I never realize that I blame a lot of my life till now I'm 21. Finally, I realize I live better than a lot of people. Life hardly to be perfect, but this is still the life I want. I choose it, why I want to feel unhappy for my choice? I learn a lot, I experience a lot of stuff. I love explore new things, new stuff, new relationship. I suffer before, I sad before, I try to commit suicide before. At my age 21, I learn a lot and open up my heart. Take everything calmly. Ya, I realize you just need to chill and you will realize, not a big deal. I dump guy before, of cuz I have to accept the fact that I dump by guy too.
A friend has told me that, if you think that is not a problem, then just be yourself. Others might tell you, you should change and be like this or that, imagine if you listen to it then you will another same person. There is nobody are same. Don't trust that kind of crap, just be yourself. Think and do it, live better. Nobody will help you to live, if yourself don't know how to live your life.
Another friend was tell me that "原来看的开的意事只，看大点，看的远，看的通，看的透，和看的明。 而不是放气，放下和放开。。因为那叫let it go..." You won't let it go because it has be part of your memory unless you don't have memory. So, just look it at big picture, let it be part of your memory because human brain has a lot memory space, don't waste it. At the same time, you need to find new memory for your brain, if not so big memory space for you is useless.
Talk to me if you are unhappy. Trust me, you will be happy after that. I'm a joker.
p/s: I want go drink and play pool tonight to celebrate this 500th post! Not easy to have 500th post with the speed I blog! Hehe.
